By:
Lee J. Langley, M.S., LMFT
Parents are often confused about how their children should view them. Most parents would say without hesitation that they want their children to love them. But, fear...that's another issue altogether. Some parents want their kids to fear the consequences (punishment) for their misbehavior. Other parents actually feel their children should fear them physically. Both of these concepts miss the point.
Children should fear something, but it should not be physical harm or
punishment. Rather, our kids should fear losing our respect and approval.
Parents who are able to instill this brand of "fear" will be rewarded with
more respectful, thoughtful, empathic kids, and down the road, more
successful young adults.
In today's society, where kids are bombarded by sexual images that
would have been unthinkable even fifteen years ago, parents need to ask
themselves what they can do to help their children make wise
decisions, especially where drugs, alcohol, and sexuality are concerned.
Punishing kids for misbehaving is often necessary, but
insufficient with respect to what is required to keep kids safe
when they are out of the parents' sight. Of course, setting good limits,
establishing structure in the home, and being good role models for our
children is very important, but what happens when kids are
outside the home and exposed to the temptations and powerful
influences that are ever-present in their world?
One of the few things, perhaps the only thing that can help teens resist
peer pressure and their own hormones is a strong faith in a
God who they know loves them and does not approve of behavior they know
is wrong. Children who have this type of faith as taught to them by
parents who they see observing that faith daily are much less likely to
succumb to the ubiquitous and dangerous influences they face on a
constant basis.
Thus, it's critical that our children fear both losing their parents'
trust and respect but more importantly, they should loathe the thought
of disappointing their heavenly Father, who is able to see them
and their behavior, even when the parents cannot.
